By Andrew Meacham, Times Staff Writer
Thursday, September 9, 2010
ST. PETERSBURG — In the late 1970s, Joe Perez was blessed with good looks, a job he liked and few worries. He lived in gay-friendly Austin, Texas, a city some dubbed "the San Francisco of the Southwest."
David Connelly, who was working on his second master's degree, met Mr. Perez in 1978, at a club. Connelly was drawn to Mr. Perez, a dark, pleasant man with a voice that could have belonged to a radio DJ. Neither wanted a committed relationship, but that is what quickly evolved. Their bond ran counter to the mood of the time.
"In that era, very few people wanted the trappings of marriage," said Connelly, 58. "That was considered bourgeoise."
Mr. Perez would not be controlled by other people, including his family. The second of 16 children, Mr. Perez grew up with adult responsibilities that shaped his future.
The Army wanted him to re-enlist, but he said no. Connelly would have liked to drag him to art museums, but Mr. Perez got bored there, and said his partner took too much time staring at paintings.
His mother would have liked him to marry and start a family, but that wasn't going to happen, either. He also dropped his family's Catholicism but continued lighting candles to the Virgin Mary. He attended temple with Connelly, who is Jewish.
He excelled as an office manager for city and state governments in Texas and the University of Texas at Austin. In 1996, he and Connelly moved to St. Petersburg, where Connelly was starting a job as communications director of the St. Petersburg Museum of Fine Arts. Mr. Perez landed a job managing the office at the academic advising center of the University of South Florida St. Petersburg.
"It can be a pressure cooker during registration, and he put people at ease," said Cyndie Collins, the center's director.
The university twice named Mr. Perez an outstanding staffer, most recently in 2009.
In February 2009, doctors found lung cancer. The cancer spread through his body, but Mr. Perez continued to work intermittently until about a month ago. When he had exhausted his sick leave benefits, co-workers donated theirs. Friends brought plants and flowers to his room at Woodside Hospice. Connelly brought a china doll tree and a sign Mr. Perez insisted he tape to the door that read, "No clergy."
"Joe had worked out his own private spiritual beliefs," Connelly said. "He didn't need a priest to validate them."
Mr. Perez died Sept. 1 at age 61. Connelly opened a window, in accordance with a Jewish tradition symbolizing release of the soul.
Andrew Meacham can be reached at (727) 892-2248 or ameacham@sptimes.com.