By Michele Miller, Times Staff Writer
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sometimes it's the mundane that gets you going when life is shattered with a bolt out of the blue. Maybe it's the sudden death of someone way too young, news of a friend's or family member's terrible illness, a car accident or another kind of trauma you never saw coming. You know you're going to get on the other side of it. Maybe even be the better for it one day. But you're not there yet.
In the meantime, you still gotta eat.
So there you are — dazed in the produce aisle and griping about the one-size-fits-all giant peaches with the petite, elderly lady with the white tuft of hair who's shaking her head and telling you that there's no way she's going to be able to eat all that in one sitting.
"Geez, what's the deal? There's no happy medium here," you say, and all at once her eyes are welling up and she replies: "There is no happy medium in life."
And there in the produce aisle you realize you're not alone.
This woman is a stranger, but pretty soon she's telling you about her dear friend who is having troubles way beyond description.
"Life isn't fair," she says, as she wipes her eyes with the wrinkled tissue she's pulled out of her sweater sleeve. "Why do all the terrible things always happen to the good people?"
You nod your head, even though you know that's not true. Been here long enough to figure out that tragedy doesn't play favorites. Bad people get cancer, too, you want to tell her.
Just not enough of them.
That makes you smile for a second, but you keep the wicked thought to yourself and send her on her way with a nicer one because in your head you can see your mother wincing right now. Better to save it for the long-distance phone call you'll be making later to an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while. She'll understand, you know, because she's living back home in a place where the humor is black and the talk is salty because everyone there knows that sometimes that's the only way to say it.
So you make the call to share the joke and your woes and end up picking up right where you left off, even though it's been way too long. She gets you laughing in a way you never thought possible and after you hang up you realize you're feeling a little lighter now.
One of life's large consolations.
It is said that character is built and revealed in times of adversity and you realize you're seeing the better side of that in your mate of 30 years. The man with the often exasperating habit of putting his foot in his mouth in a way you typically roll your eyes at is suddenly saying and doing all the right things.
Thankful for the lift, you seek out more, finding it in people you might expect and some you don't: the supportive words of friends and family, the receptionist at the hair salon who sends you a "thinking of you" card, the colleague who shows up just to keep you company, the "professional" that this crisis brought into your life and perhaps, a tender, inner sense of comfort that comes from somewhere else.
All's still not right with the world, you know. Even so, you're on the mend, buoyed by the awesome gifts that come in the noticing.
Michele Miller can be reached at miller@sptimes.com.